To My Upstairs Neighbor with Impeccable Timing

Originally posted on the Los Angeles Rants & Raves section of Craig's List on July 11, 2007.

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OK, enough is enough.

I remember the first time like it was two weeks ago at 6:45 am.

I had just finished my morning workout- Wednesday--chest and back day. I was pumped and sweaty, flushed with endorphins and ready for that nice hot morning shower. I fired up the shower and hopped in, mentally giving a high 5 to the engineers who took the time to invent a shower head with a jet pulse massage setting, when suddenly my pulsing jet streams of bliss ceased to exist, and I was left standing in my shower, watching a limp stream of water dribble out of my now impotent shower head. I could hear you upstairs turning your bathtub water, adjusting the temperature to your liking, and I wondered what sort of idiotic plumbing do we have where YOU get ALL the water?

Disgruntled, I cursed the pathetic plumber of the past and rinsed as best I could and decided that the next day (legs and glutes) I'd hit it 45 minutes earlier. That way I'd get my shower done just as you were waking up.

But the next day, despite my early rising, the same thing happened. Slightly suspicious, I chalked it up to sheer coincidence - maybe you had an important meeting that morning and thus were rising earlier than normal. (I'm a pretty laid back kind of guy--no roid rage here.)

But day after day, regardless of the time or day, anytime I turned on my bathroom water, I could hear you dash into the bathroom and turn on YOUR water, effectively bath-blocking me. What the fuck, dude?

I've even gone so far as to turn on my water, and when I hear you turning yours on, I turn mine off. When you turn yours off, I wait a minute then turn mine back on. You immediately follow. I'm trying to picture two guys, standing in their respective bathrooms above each other, and turning on and off their water in some sort of weird Freudian symphony. Again, I ask, what the fuck, dude??

It's very obvious you know what you're doing--I can't even begin to imagine what title could be given to this kind of totally irrational mental disorder. (as opposed to the totally rational mental disorders...)

Hydrophobia is the fear of water ...nah, too bland. Bathophobia is the fear of bathing. (I kid you not...look it up.) Misanthropy is the hatred of mankind in general.

So I guess you have a severe case of "sub-dwellular bathosanthropy." a fear or hatred of mankind below you bathing.

So dude, I'm askin' nice ...knock it the fuck off. Otherwise, next time I hear your water running, I just might find myself with an uncontrollable urge to do 6 loads of laundry.

A Birthday, Karaoke and a Slice of Epiphany Pie

Originally posted on the Los Angeles Rants and Raves section of Craig's List on Sept. 14, 2007.

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Last night I headed out to a good friend's birthday celebration where drinks, conversation and some good old fashioned karaoke were on the agenda.

The drinks were excellent, and it was great catching up with people that I haven't seen in in a while. But the thing that really blew me away and is still strong in my sleep deprived brain this morning was one of the karaoke singers.

This girl had a voice that was simply phenomenal. I got chills listening to her belt out song after song, and I could only marvel at how effortless it all seemed for her.

I chatted briefly with her in between sets; she runs her own business and has no aspirations of ever pursuing singing as a career. When I asked her why she smiled and said very matter of factly

"I'm xx years old and, well, not exactly small."

It's rather disheartening to think that such a gift is going to go unappreciated by most of the world simply because this lady doesn't fit into the mold that so many have been brainwashed into thinking is the only shape that talent can have. Yes, she was older than the coveted 18-24 yrs old and she was heavy, and I'll assume that she may have tried to break into the industry but was met with such a wall of resistance because of her size and age that she simply decided it wasn't worth the battle.

I know that tossing this out into the maelstrom that is R&R is a lot like pissing into the wind, but I just gotta say that I had a bit of a realization last night that I don't think was totally alcohol induced; everyone of us has something unique to offer this little mudball we call home- it's a shame that so many never look past the color of skin, the age, or the size of the body to see whatever jewel might be hidden inside. I have to admit I'm guilty of it from time to time; last night was a real eye opener from which I must certainly try to glean some wisdom.

sigh...

ok, I'm done. Time to drink a monster and try to get these cobwebs out of my head; you may return to the regular daily dose of hatred hurling.

Guns and America

(originally posted on the Los Angeles Rants & Raves portion of Craig's List on April 19, 2007 (just after the Virginia Tech tragedy.)
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I have been watching the posts here on the gun debate for the last couple of days, and figured I'd toss my thoughts out into the fray.

The gun control vs right to bear arms debate is, no doubt, a passionate argument, and I'll honestly agree that both sides have extremely valid points, and both sides are guilty of taking rather ridiculous stances to further their claims. And until both sides are willing to sit down and rationally discuss, with as little emotion as possible, the realistic approaches that can be taken, no solution presents itself.

For example, I hate hearing those who say "I need my AK-47 for hunting." C'mon, if you need a semi automatic assault rifle to take on Bambi, in my opinion you really aren't much of a hunter.

On the flip side, I shake my head at those who suggest an across the board confiscation of firearms across America. Do those who suggest this honestly believe that the criminal element that exists today is going to simply line up and get rid of their weapons because "the law" said to? C'mon folks, really, we're all smarter than that. In a perfect world, maybe some Sim City game with cheat mode on, that might work. But I think we can all agree that "the bad guys" are not going to play by the rules.

Guns exist in America- that genie is out of the bottle and there is no "magic bullet" (sorry) that will solve this issue, and as I indicated above, both sides are guilty of bending the facts to fit their argument. To make matters worse, in the attempt to validate claims, scenarios are presented which most people simply do not think will ever happen, which then seems to make the argument invalid and the presenter of such scenarios a nut. I am thinking specifically of those who say we must remain armed to keep the gov't in check-many out there say even if the government gets out of hand, the common citizenry will never rise up against the government - it really would amount so a second civil war. It is a frightening scenario that many say will never happen, thus that argument is invalid.

However, I could site historical examples of what happens when only those in power are armed (Nazi Germany is one example), and modern day tragedies that are happening even as we speak because the general population was disarmed, but what good will that do to convince those who already have decided "it can't happen here"? So those of us who argue that government fears an armed citizenry are immediately branded "conspiracy theorists gone bad" or "paranoid paramilitary survivalists." Reason and logic lose their voice when they fall on deaf ears, and all the facts in the world won't sway someone who doesn't want to see them.

I watched Bowling for Columbine for the 1 st time yesterday because of one my co workers swore up and down it was the most amazing documentary he had ever seen. I'm only going to address one (of many) things that I noticed.

At one point, Moore indicated that gun sales were at an all time high, while crime was on the decline. I believe he was attempting to show that people didn't need to buy guns because crime was going down. But not once did he suggest that crime was on the decline BECAUSE everyone was arming themselves, because that wouldn't put the proper spin on his argument. It wasn't a documentary, because it wasn't unbiased, and it is a sterling example of people not wanting to rationally examine facts and figures without putting their own personal agenda on the table.

But this isn't meant to be a review of BFC. We (meaning Americans) are faced with a unique problem, in part because we are a unique country. No other form of government exists with the same liberties and freedoms. There are other democracies, but not with the same level of "unregulated" freedoms. (I say that with tongue in cheek.) I watch with dismay at how easily people surrender these rights, slowly allowing themselves to become nothing more than sheep in a flock, to be led mindlessly wherever the shepherds dictate, and shamelessly abandoning any form of personal responsibility for one's self or family.

The hypocrisy of those who want to take away your and my right to keep one's self and loved ones safe is truly staggering, but it appeals to those who think they are either immune to the dangers of today's times, or have means to purchase the services of others to protect them. Given all that has happened, and the fact that we are at war with those who have no reservation about killing innocent civilians, how can you, in good conscience, walk around unconcerned and unprepared for any potentiality? I have always said "Preparation will beat regret for the lack of it every time."

I can already hear the clamor. "Are you suggesting we all walk around'packing heat'? Do you really want to let crazy people walk around armed?" Ladies and gentlemen, they already are...


July 18, 1984: 21 killed at a McDonald's in San Ysidro (San Diego County).

Aug. 20, 1986: 14 killed in a post office in Edmund, Okla.

Oct. 16, 1991: 23 people killed at Luby's Cafeteria in Killeen, Texas.

April 20, 1999: 13 people killed at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colo.

We will never make it so that those who wish harm upon others cannot do so.

But we can, and should, allow those who may be in harm's way to defend themselves (and others). I wish the world were such that it isn't needed. I wish we all got along, respected and appreciated our individualities and offerings to the world. I wish we could be united and stand together and work alongside one another without fear, prejudice and loathing.

But that is as unrealistic a dream as a world without guns.

Freedom is not cheap. It is bought and paid for in blood and tears, and keeping those freedoms is a never ending task, and it requires a personal investment and personal responsibility, which are both eroding at an alarming rate.

We should be examining why these things happen; what are we as a society missing that is allowing the creation of, and overlooking the existence of, those who are as disturbed and troubled as the VT killer. Yes, the availability of firearms may have contributed to the tragedy, but if the faculty had been armed, how many lives would have been saved? It is supposition, but it deserves to be asked.

"You're fighting fire with fire." you may argue. Yes, I am. That's how wildfires are put out. It may not be a perfect solution, but it works. Putting out an oil fire with explosives sounds insane, but it works. Arming a society to protect itself from itself may not be so crazy after all.